Wordless Saturday

Nairobi bound!

Just got official confirmation from our caseworker that Sophie's immigration documents are on their way to Nairobi.  One more phone call.  One more plane ride.  And she'll be in our arms forever. 

Pictures!

After not being in touch with Sid for more than 24 hours (I was going absolutely crazy and on the verge of a meltdown) he phoned this morning.  He had been unable to get an internet connection but finally was able to send me some photos.  I've emailed, posted on facebook,  posted on Sid's blog, posted on both yahoo groups and now here, ha ha.  I love her!  These photos melt my heart.  I can't wait to hold her!  Hopefully the visa trend stays and we can travel this summer.

Sophia (Sophie) Selam Dianne Vlieg

She's ours!  Introducing our daughter Sophie!  It is the middle of the night and I just heard from Sid that court was successful.  Just wanted to post our news and some photos.  Thank you for your support, positive thoughts and prayers!  We're just thrilled!

Hubby's Blog

If you haven't been there yet, Sid has started a blog for his journey to meet baby sister and our court date (in 3 days!). The link is at the top of the page on the right hand side.  He is going to meet our daughter TOMORROW! 

Canvas Heart Giveaway

This is a website that I've just recently learned of and I absolutely LOVE this artwork!  After we pass court (hopefully next week - ack!) I would LOVE to order something!   Can't wait!  She is having a giveaway.  Check it out!
http://www.thecanvasheart.com/

I wouldn't change a thing.

I love this experience.  There are so many emotions that go with this step of our journey.  I am excited, exhausted and anxious, just to name a few.  Sid and I are seperately working on checking things off his travel list. For example, get U.S. money, buy cell phone to use in Africa, make sure we have our notarized document for court, the paperwork and money order for baby's sister's visa, phone number for our agency's driver in Addis, etc., etc.   Our list is 2 pages long.  I am taking it all in.  Preparing for his trip, collecting donations and the like all the while trying to live life and keep up on the daily tasks, including laundry (could do without that!), being a mom to a 2 year-old and gardening.  Periodically I calculate what Sid will be doing a week from now (for example in one week he have already held our daughter in his arms!) and I smile. At the same time I get nauseous with anxiety about court.  But I wouldn't change a thing.  This is all about becoming a family.  Our daughter will soon join our family and I wouldn't change a thing.  The nerves, exhaustion and anxiety are all a part of it and I'm taking it all in.

To the core.

When my daughter was born just over 2 years ago and it was almost time to bring her home from the hospital we had an entrustment ceremony with her birth family and our social worker, Alison.  Before entering the hospital room where her birth family, hospital nurse, social worker and Josina were waiting for us I prayed that I was able to feel everything - to the core of my soul.  I didn't want to hold any emotions back in order to survive this experience.  I was being given the greatest gift, the gift of my daughter and it was important to me that I felt not just the joy of becoming a parent but the pain, the deep, paralyzing pain of watching a loving, wonderful family say 'goodbye' to their beautiful daughter, granddaughter and niece.  I felt it was my responsibility to do so.  And boy, did I feel it!

As we prepare for Sid's trip to Ethiopia for our court date I have been finding myself praying for God to help me experience all the emotions that go with this part of our journey, to not hold anything back. The excitement, the anxiety, the nervousness, the debilitating sense of utter sadness knowing a family has again said goodbye to their daughter, granddaughter, niece.  Again, I feel it is my responsibility to feel all of it.  I am being given another beautiful gift, the gift of another daughter and I am not holding anything back.

Baby Stella!

No that's not what baby sister's name will be, lol. But it is the first present I've purchased for her! Can you believe I've held off on buying anything for her (except bedroom furniture, that doesn't count, ha ha). Court is less than 3 weeks away and I am a nervous and excited wreck. I don't think I will send baby Stella with my husband for the court trip in case we do not get it back. But baby Stella will be waiting for baby sister's arrival to Canada.

By the way, we will share photos and baby sister's name when court passes successfully. The day we received our referral my husband and I drove home separately from the agency and when we got home he asked me if I had thought of a name. Now remember we always thought it would be a boy so we NEVER considered or discussed ANY girl names. I asked him what he had thought of and he told me. Amazingly the name I thought of on the way home was the shortened/nickname version of the name he had thought of on his drive home. Hmmm...meant to be? At the time we thought it was a very original name but we've come to learn it is one of the most popular names right now. Hint, hint.

Confession Friday

I confess:

*that lately I'm becoming an overly emotional eater, eating terrible, terrible food. Cookies, Timbits, burgers, the list goes on. This week I polished off an entire bag of Chips Ahoy cookies and I bought a new bag of Oreos yesterday. The waistline is expanding and the double chins are forming. Ugh. Although it doesn't feel like it right now but spring/summer are on the way which means wearing lighter and form fitting clothes and showing more skin. Nobody wants to see my bulge. I need to do something about this.

*I say "I need to do something about this" in reference to my unhealthy eating habits and growing waistline every single day and yet never actually do anything about it.

*I love the stage my daughter is at right now. Don't get me wrong, I love every stage. But the fact that she is talking and can communicate her needs is such a relief. I really hated hearing her cry, scream or grunt in frustration. It felt like she was crying ALL. THE. TIME. But now she has words and she uses them.

*I am on pins and needles waiting for the phone to ring. I need to know when our court date is.

*I feel guilty that I have my referral and others close to me on 'the list' do not have theirs yet.

*I just confessed some feelings that I have about a couple of things that are bothering me and then erased them because I do not want to upset my adoption friends.

*I am scared. I am terrified. I have fallen in love with a beautiful baby girl in a photo and I have no control over when I will hold her in my arms. What if things fall through? What if the program closes? I am terrified. I am scared of what this will do to me.

*I am scared for Selam. Will she ever be with her forever family? When? What effects will being in institutionalized have on her?

*I am hopeful I will hold my daughter in my arms.

*I am blessed to have a group of adoption friends who received referrals around the same time as we did and their children are in the same room at the same orphanage. It is nice to have that support and strong connection.

*When we received our referral I was scared for our daughter in Africa. Was she being fed? Loved? Cuddled? Comforted? I was driving to a women's retreat to meet up with the girls from church and decided to give it all to God. I let him have it all. All my worries. I knew he would take care of her and it really made a difference in my attitude and emotional health. I slept every night without worry. But this week with the new developments in Ethiopia I have reverted back to my old ways of worrying and not sleeping.

*I bought an ikea dresser on kijiji last summer and repainted it and put new crystal/glass style knobs on it to dress it up. Because I painted it brown/espresso I realized recently that Josina's white crib was just so not going to match. I didn't think this was going to be a big deal when I painted the dresser last summer but when I moved the crib into baby sister's room a few weeks ago it actually bugged me so I bought a new espresso crib to match. It is a 4 in 1, sleigh style crib and it. is. beautiful! I'm much happier now.

*While eating our breakfast this morning Josina spilled her water all over the table and floor. I said 'oh shoot!' out loud and she copied me. Thankfully it wasn't 'oh sh*t'. I REALLY need to be careful with my words.

*In order to feel right I need things to be in their place. The labelmaker gets a workout in this household. This is the project I've been working on this week. Ikea trofast storage & bins to organize Josina's playroom. Each bin is organized, labeled and has a picture attached of the items that belong in the bin. This makes me happy.



*After posting this I went upstairs to have a shower. I got my towel & housecoat ready and started the shower then realized I didn't have the phone with me and ran downstairs to get it. I need a court date. My nerves are fried. (I have actually been shaking this week)
*After my shower I came downstairs to check email/boards for the millionth time this morning and my daughter brougt an empty box of kleenex to me saying 'aw done'. I walked over to the couch to see the entire box of tissues emptied onto the couch and as I said nothing while stuffing them back into the box she said 'da' as in 'ta da'...look at my masterpiece mom.

Survey Says...

it was going to be a boy. BUT it's a girl! Hee hee. Selam was born on September 24, 2010 in Ethiopia. We're just thrilled and can't wait to post pics after we pass court. She's so tiny but just beautiful.

I will post more next week. I have neglected my house, daughter, sick cat and myself in the crazyness of this experience. I am going on a very needed church retreat this weekend and will come back revived and refreshed. Ahhh.

See you next week. :)

Sarah's giveaway

Sarah is having a giveaway, check out her blog. Seeing how she has decorated her house makes me want to start all over again even though we've been here 10 years and the house is pretty much done, except one room (a room I hope to start decorating ANY TIME NOW... COME ON ALREADY!).

Sarah's giveaway

I want to win the butterfly punch so I can make the awesome framed butterfly craft she made and put it in Josina's room. It is so awesome! See it here posted in her top 10 projects of 2010:

Top 10

Merry Christmas

Ok my adoption peeps, I just want to say how much I love and appreciate your friendship and support during this crazy process. I really enjoy chatting with you on the yahoo board, blogs and facebook. I can't imagine surviving this journey without you.

I am going a little crazy waiting for the phone to ring when I have no idea if it is even justified.
#36 accepted their referral (yay!) and there are only a handful 'ahead' of us on the referral tracker (remember we are #43). Who knows if we are matched yet and waiting on paperwork or is there a referral sitting on someone's desk waiting for a social worker to make the call???

I am hopeful that our referral could happen before Christmas but I accept the fact that it could be in the new year. I am okay with that. Whatever happens, happens. BUT what a wonderful Xmas present that would BE!

Anyways, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. I know that some of you are finding the holidays difficult without a/your child...I know what that is like. Before we were blessed with Josina, we had many years where we just didn't bother decorating because it was just too difficult. Where ever you are in your journey I wish you love, health and happiness for the year to come. May 2011 be the best year yet. Let those phones ring off the hook with referrals, court dates be successful on the first date and visas be issued in record time!

Tammy

Butterflies & 10 pounds.

Ok, it has obviously been a long time since I last posted anything b/c I couldn't even remember where to go to post. Sheesh!

I have butterflies in my tummy! We're #43 on IA's 'list' and there are only 3 or 4 families ahead of us with requests for 'either' gender, mainly 'up to 18 months'. We are the only one 'up to 1 year'. Then there are 3 or so families that have not added their info to the list so I'm not sure what they've requested or if they've received a referral. BUT we are matched or close to being matched I think. Insert big grin here!

That being said I really need to get healthy and start feeling strong so I can keep up with 2 toddlers (Josina will be 2 in February - crazy!). I have the Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred dvd and never use it. I also pay for a gym membership each month and never go. I want/need to lose 10 pounds as my clothes don't fit me properly and I feel terrible about how I look. Anyone out there who wants to join me in my crusade to lose some weight and feel better about themselves? I need some support and someone to motivate me. This adoption wait has added to my weight. ;)

Forever Friends

We spent Thanksgiving weekend in B.C. with my family (Shuswap/Okanagan). Although we were very busy, I did have the opportunity to finally meet a very special friend I have made a connection with in the online adoption world - Natalie! (She and her mom drove almost 2 hours to meet up for a quick coffee - Thanks for doing that, Nat!)

Natalie and I have chatted online for a few years now, since the beginning of our international adoption journeys (I cannot believe I just wrote 'years'. Ugh) - on the yahoo group, through our blogs, email and facebook. This is also a year or so before Josina came into my life. When I first saw pictures of Natalie I felt an overwhelming sense of emotion. In my heart I was feeling the same thing I saw in Natalie's eyes. Utter Sadness. I boldly told her this in an email and we've been each other's sounding board and cheering section ever since.

When Nat and I gave each other a hug (she gives the best, squishy hugs, lol) she said something along the lines of it feeling like we already know each other, yet we're just meeting. That is so true! This process forces us to bare our souls and we need to hang on to each other to survive. It seemed so surreal to finally be with Natalie in person. She is such a sweet, kind, gentle soul! I know that after Natalie and I are both home with our children that we will continue to be forever friends.

Through this adoption journey I've met so many wonderful people online who I consider my friends. I hope I can also meet you one day.

2 Years

DTE August 18, 2008. Need I say more? Blah.

(I'm overtired right now, lol, which is causing the blase attitude...went to see Buble last night, so fun! BUT I'm not meant to stay up late and get home after midnight and not go to bed until 1:30. My girl doesn't understand that mommy needs to sleep in sometimes, lol. Up early. SO tired.)

Dare to Dream?

Well, it is 9 am and I'm already exhausted, lol. I didn't have a good sleep last night and Josina woke up way too early for my liking (with the 3rd blowout of the week which means changing sheets, bathing her, etc.). I'm sitting on the couch with zero motivation to empty the dishwasher, dust, switch over the laundry, clean the counters of the breakfast mess, to clean the raspberry jam off Josina's highchair tray or to even shower and get dressed. It'll all be there in a few hours when I feel up to it. I should be at the gym right now as the zumba class starts in 15 mins. Oh well, lol. Next time. I'll take Josina for a walk instead.

As I mentioned in my last post I have been feeling quite good over the past 2 weeks, even last week when I had a house full of company for the week. But what made me feel absolutely spectacular was the news of Laura, Chad and Sarah's referral!

When I heard from Laura about her sweet little boy I was so excited and had to leave the kitchen and take the laptop up to my bedroom so I didn't cry in front of my husband's family.
This has been THE referral I have been anticipating (besides my own) and hopeful for for a very long time. Seeing this happen has helped me become excited again about our own referral. I have begun dreaming again about him/her. Will it be a boy or a girl? How old will he/she be? What will he/she look like?

I've even started watching adoption videos on youtube, sobbing like a baby, wanting to feel the same joy the couples are experiencing in the clips.

Do I dare to dream of my child? I am starting to feel better but still have bad days and I wonder...should I continue to protect myself and not get too excited? It is so hard to know what will happen in the near future. Will there be delays again or are things going to start happening without a hitch (ha, ya right...I forgot this is international adoption we're talking about).

When I do dream and start to get excited I also become a nervous wreck...I can't imagine how families, such as L & C, have kept it together during an extensive wait for 'the call' when you are possibly the next family on the list.

Originally we were #43. I have to say that I do not like that our last name starts with a 'V', lol. #40, 41, 42 and 43 are files that were sent in the same batch by the gov. of Alberta to Ethiopia and they all have the same DTE. But we're #43 b/c they are listed in alphabetical order. Oh how I wish for a last name that starts with 'A' (not that it makes THAT much of a difference, lol). We are now #21 and one family ahead of us has adopted a child from South Africa recently so they are on hold until next year (this is a friend of mine and wasn't announced on the board)....soooooo that puts us at 20. We have requested a boy or a girl, under the age of one. ALL of the families ahead of us are requesting close to the same age range.

*Of these families ahead of us there are 8 not listed on the database so I don't know what gender/age they are requesting.
*5 of the families are requesting a girl.
*7 are for sure requesting either gender. But there are a possible 15 families requesting either gender (including the 8 families not listed on the database).

So we're close, but not that close yet. Do I dare to dream again?

What is there to say?

I haven't posted since April. Wow. A huge reflection on the fact that not much has happened on the adoption front lately. I just have nothing to say, really. Our file has been in Ethiopia for 22 months now and we're in the process of updating all of the paperwork (fun). I wish I could say to all the people we are having to pay (again) to update our paperwork to just charge it to one blonde thief who stole all our money (not that I'm still bitter or anything).

I have wavered over the past few months about our adoption. It is hard to be excited when nothing is happening (even with the referral this week...I'm still guarded). I've even questioned whether it is best to go back on the list for another domestic adoption (which we decided is not for us right now). Like I've said before I really want to move on with life and have my family complete. I'm really done with all of this. Once we have a referral I know I'll be excited and joyful again.

On another note, Josina is already 16 months old! She's such a joy and I am amazed at how she changes on a daily basis! She is signing to communicate but seems to be a late-talker. This doesn't worry be right now b/c there is a family history of late-talkers (at 2 years).

I hope that you are all doing well. I still read the blogs on a daily basis but just haven't been motivated to write. Ttfn.

P.S. Here are some recent pics of Josina. If we are friends on facebook you've already seen them.

20 Months!

Wow! Who would have thought when our file reached Ethiopia 20 months ago today that we'd be at this point (isn't this the gestation period of an elephant). I'm not sure how I feel about it some days. Some days I get myself worked up about the wait and then other days I tell myself to slow down and enjoy the time I have with my daughter. I'm a planner, I need to know what is going to happen and how it is going to go down. I don't like surprises really (well some surprises of course). I am just anxious to know if it is a boy or girl so I can start nesting, planning and redoing/redecorating bedrooms. I love this kind of thing. I also am just looking so forward to having my family complete and being able to move on...not having to think about paperwork, wait times, changes in the process, bankruptcy stress, etc. I just want to be. To be with my husband and children. My family completed.

We are number #24 on the single list (we were originally #43 so I am really happy about this). I think and have always thought it will be a boy. Maybe in a few more months we'll know for sure. So excited about this!

Anyways, just wanted to write a quick post. J has been sick for 6 days and I'm really tired. Here's to a great start to a new week and bring on the referrals! J & L your turn is coming, I can feel it!

Here we go again!

Our dossier reached Ethiopia on August 18, 2008. However, we INITIALLY sent our file to the province for approval in March of that same year. After waiting weeks and weeks for approval we received our approval letter and I noticed a mistake had been made. It said that we were approved to adopt a female infant or siblings from Ethiopia when in fact we had not specified gender. Thankfully I noticed the error but we had to go through our local agency to get the mistake taken care of at the provincial level. This of course took more weeks and weeks to fix. Finally we received our letter of approval, our dossier was ready to go and I spent a weekend in August tracking it across the world until it arrived and was signed for in Addis.

When Imagine give each family a number in last month based on when their file was received Ethiopia we were # 43 on the single child list and #16 on the sibling list. After the recent referrals I THINK we are about #34 or 35 on the single child list and #14 or 15 on the sibling list (not following it too closely but I know my blogger peeps will figure it out for me, lol). Because we may or may not receive a referral before our documents expire in August we will probably have to update our dossier documents (notarized documents, etc)...I'm just waiting to see what happens. Supposedly we won't have to update them IF we have a successful court date before then (or just a court date, I'm not sure which it is).

Because referrals are happening sooner than expected and in good numbers I am getting concerned about making sure our paperwork is in order in time to receive our referral.

Because we adopted Josina last year we obviously need to have a homestudy update done for our file with a new letter of provincial approval. This isn't surprising and makes good sense. After the bankruptcy in July I waited to see what was going to happen with our Ethiopian adoption before paying $ to have an update done. I called our local agency in November and they suggested I wait a few more months because it wasn't pertinent then as we didn't know then that the referrals were going to start happening so soon. I called them again today and have told me that our provincial documents (criminal record checks and medicals) have expired in the amount of time that we waited since I first called and we need these for our updated provincial approval. We JUST got the criminal record check done in the summer for the court papers for our domestic adoption and this annoys me to no end. This means more time and $$$ that we just don't have (on top of paying for the homestudy update). Quite annoying really! They told me that criminal record checks now need to be updated every 6 months. Beside the fact that criminal record checks cost $ it also involves loading my daughter up in the car, driving to downtown, paying heavily for parking and braving the cold.
If I had continued with the update when I wanted to I wouldn't have had to worry about it. Grrr.

Aside: at least our provincial intervention check doesn't have to be updated. We had that updated in the summer for the court documents for our domestic adoption. That took 3 months!!! YEP....one piece of paper with one signature took 3 months! It kept getting 'lost' and we kept having to get another from the agency. Here's the process for an intervention check.
1. Call the local agency for the form.
2. Agency sends the form in the mail.
3. Fill out the form and have someone WITNESS your signature. Grrr.
4. Send the form to the LOCAL AGENCY.
5. The local agency sends the form to the provincial government.
6. Provincial government approves the form and sends it to you in the mail.
7. You send the approved form to the local agency.

This summer we filled out 3 forms! It kept getting 'lost'. After waiting a month and we hadn't received the form I called our local agency and it 'was lost'. So we'd get another form, fill it out, get it witnessed, etc., etc. and again and again it 'was lost'. I have no idea where. The local agency or the government. But it took 3 months! Thank goodness that form hasn't expired and we can use it for our Ethiopia adoption. Sheesh!

Back to the homestudy update: So we've booked an appointment with our social worker for next week to do the update and we'll get the criminal record checks and medicals done hopefully soon. What concerns me is how long it will take to get provincial approval again. How many months this time? I don't feel like I have too many months to waste before we expect a referral(which I guess is a good thing, lol). What did ease my mind a bit is that the government said that if Imagine is awaiting approval in order to give us our referral that I can contact them and they will confirm our approval to Imagine. So that's good.

Dont'cha just love paperwork! But I'm still thrilled that I GET to update paperwork...It means we can adopt from Ethiopia! It still seems so surreal after the heartbreak in July of learning of the bankruptcy.

Oh hey! I should mention...Josina's adoption was finalized on January 6th! It's official! She's legally ours! Yay!