Monday, October 13, 2008

Food for Thought

I read the following on a fellow adoptive-mom-to-be's blog. Just thought this would be good for everyone to read!

Ways to support an adoptive family.

1. If you're asked to write a reference letter for the Home Study or grant, do it promptly. It will mean a lot to the family to know their adoption is a high priority for you too.

2. Especially if the wait drags on a long time, don't constantly ask if they've heard any news. Some moms adore giving you the blow by blow during the wait. But many moms find the wait difficult, and get tired of saying, "No, we still don't know when he/she is coming home." Ask instead how the nursery is coming along, or invite her out to lunch.

3. Throw them a baby shower and/or bring baby gifts before the child comes home. Honor the adoptive mom with your faith that this will happen for her. But it is a good idea to ask the mom-to-be if she would like the shower before or after the child is home.

4. Do treat them like parents-to-be. If you would give a pregnant friend or family member something for Mother's Day (or Father's Day) then do the same for the adoptive couple. Or even Christmas. A special Waiting ornament.

5. Tell them you are praying for them. If there is a delay find out what it is so you can pray specifically and ask (once in awhile) if there is any new news. (paperwork delay, accreditation)

6. I liked it when people said things like "Getting excited?". It acknowledged we were "expecting" in a positive way. Another good thing to say was "Do you need anything" or "can I do anything for you"?

7. Keep your judgements to yourself. And don't question their decisions.

8. Do share any positive stories you know about adoption and suppress the desire to tell every adoption horror story you've ever heard.

9. The other thing that makes me feel like an "expectant" mom, is people asking what I need. "I have an exersaucer/stroller/high chair you can have?", etc.

10. Do give empathy: I got a hug and the simple words "this waiting must be so hard." from someone I hardly knew. It meant the world to me.

1 comment:

Janine said...

Hi Tammy and Sid!

I liked that! It helps the rest of us understand a little bit more what you are going through.

I wish I had thought to try to find something like this site when we were going through our infertility problems.

My thoughts and prayers are with you constantly! Love you both!