Dare to Dream?

Well, it is 9 am and I'm already exhausted, lol. I didn't have a good sleep last night and Josina woke up way too early for my liking (with the 3rd blowout of the week which means changing sheets, bathing her, etc.). I'm sitting on the couch with zero motivation to empty the dishwasher, dust, switch over the laundry, clean the counters of the breakfast mess, to clean the raspberry jam off Josina's highchair tray or to even shower and get dressed. It'll all be there in a few hours when I feel up to it. I should be at the gym right now as the zumba class starts in 15 mins. Oh well, lol. Next time. I'll take Josina for a walk instead.

As I mentioned in my last post I have been feeling quite good over the past 2 weeks, even last week when I had a house full of company for the week. But what made me feel absolutely spectacular was the news of Laura, Chad and Sarah's referral!

When I heard from Laura about her sweet little boy I was so excited and had to leave the kitchen and take the laptop up to my bedroom so I didn't cry in front of my husband's family.
This has been THE referral I have been anticipating (besides my own) and hopeful for for a very long time. Seeing this happen has helped me become excited again about our own referral. I have begun dreaming again about him/her. Will it be a boy or a girl? How old will he/she be? What will he/she look like?

I've even started watching adoption videos on youtube, sobbing like a baby, wanting to feel the same joy the couples are experiencing in the clips.

Do I dare to dream of my child? I am starting to feel better but still have bad days and I wonder...should I continue to protect myself and not get too excited? It is so hard to know what will happen in the near future. Will there be delays again or are things going to start happening without a hitch (ha, ya right...I forgot this is international adoption we're talking about).

When I do dream and start to get excited I also become a nervous wreck...I can't imagine how families, such as L & C, have kept it together during an extensive wait for 'the call' when you are possibly the next family on the list.

Originally we were #43. I have to say that I do not like that our last name starts with a 'V', lol. #40, 41, 42 and 43 are files that were sent in the same batch by the gov. of Alberta to Ethiopia and they all have the same DTE. But we're #43 b/c they are listed in alphabetical order. Oh how I wish for a last name that starts with 'A' (not that it makes THAT much of a difference, lol). We are now #21 and one family ahead of us has adopted a child from South Africa recently so they are on hold until next year (this is a friend of mine and wasn't announced on the board)....soooooo that puts us at 20. We have requested a boy or a girl, under the age of one. ALL of the families ahead of us are requesting close to the same age range.

*Of these families ahead of us there are 8 not listed on the database so I don't know what gender/age they are requesting.
*5 of the families are requesting a girl.
*7 are for sure requesting either gender. But there are a possible 15 families requesting either gender (including the 8 families not listed on the database).

So we're close, but not that close yet. Do I dare to dream again?

What is there to say?

I haven't posted since April. Wow. A huge reflection on the fact that not much has happened on the adoption front lately. I just have nothing to say, really. Our file has been in Ethiopia for 22 months now and we're in the process of updating all of the paperwork (fun). I wish I could say to all the people we are having to pay (again) to update our paperwork to just charge it to one blonde thief who stole all our money (not that I'm still bitter or anything).

I have wavered over the past few months about our adoption. It is hard to be excited when nothing is happening (even with the referral this week...I'm still guarded). I've even questioned whether it is best to go back on the list for another domestic adoption (which we decided is not for us right now). Like I've said before I really want to move on with life and have my family complete. I'm really done with all of this. Once we have a referral I know I'll be excited and joyful again.

On another note, Josina is already 16 months old! She's such a joy and I am amazed at how she changes on a daily basis! She is signing to communicate but seems to be a late-talker. This doesn't worry be right now b/c there is a family history of late-talkers (at 2 years).

I hope that you are all doing well. I still read the blogs on a daily basis but just haven't been motivated to write. Ttfn.

P.S. Here are some recent pics of Josina. If we are friends on facebook you've already seen them.