Thursday, July 22, 2010

Dare to Dream?

Well, it is 9 am and I'm already exhausted, lol. I didn't have a good sleep last night and Josina woke up way too early for my liking (with the 3rd blowout of the week which means changing sheets, bathing her, etc.). I'm sitting on the couch with zero motivation to empty the dishwasher, dust, switch over the laundry, clean the counters of the breakfast mess, to clean the raspberry jam off Josina's highchair tray or to even shower and get dressed. It'll all be there in a few hours when I feel up to it. I should be at the gym right now as the zumba class starts in 15 mins. Oh well, lol. Next time. I'll take Josina for a walk instead.

As I mentioned in my last post I have been feeling quite good over the past 2 weeks, even last week when I had a house full of company for the week. But what made me feel absolutely spectacular was the news of Laura, Chad and Sarah's referral!

When I heard from Laura about her sweet little boy I was so excited and had to leave the kitchen and take the laptop up to my bedroom so I didn't cry in front of my husband's family.
This has been THE referral I have been anticipating (besides my own) and hopeful for for a very long time. Seeing this happen has helped me become excited again about our own referral. I have begun dreaming again about him/her. Will it be a boy or a girl? How old will he/she be? What will he/she look like?

I've even started watching adoption videos on youtube, sobbing like a baby, wanting to feel the same joy the couples are experiencing in the clips.

Do I dare to dream of my child? I am starting to feel better but still have bad days and I wonder...should I continue to protect myself and not get too excited? It is so hard to know what will happen in the near future. Will there be delays again or are things going to start happening without a hitch (ha, ya right...I forgot this is international adoption we're talking about).

When I do dream and start to get excited I also become a nervous wreck...I can't imagine how families, such as L & C, have kept it together during an extensive wait for 'the call' when you are possibly the next family on the list.

Originally we were #43. I have to say that I do not like that our last name starts with a 'V', lol. #40, 41, 42 and 43 are files that were sent in the same batch by the gov. of Alberta to Ethiopia and they all have the same DTE. But we're #43 b/c they are listed in alphabetical order. Oh how I wish for a last name that starts with 'A' (not that it makes THAT much of a difference, lol). We are now #21 and one family ahead of us has adopted a child from South Africa recently so they are on hold until next year (this is a friend of mine and wasn't announced on the board)....soooooo that puts us at 20. We have requested a boy or a girl, under the age of one. ALL of the families ahead of us are requesting close to the same age range.

*Of these families ahead of us there are 8 not listed on the database so I don't know what gender/age they are requesting.
*5 of the families are requesting a girl.
*7 are for sure requesting either gender. But there are a possible 15 families requesting either gender (including the 8 families not listed on the database).

So we're close, but not that close yet. Do I dare to dream again?


Chad, Laura and Sara said...

Dream Girl! It happens! It does and it WILL. You brought a tear to my eye at your excitement for us and I must say your email (or should I say emailsss) were so much fun to recieve.

To dreaming...


Sharla said...

get dreaming!!!

Natalie and Chris said...

You are so close it will happen. The fear of hurt has prevented us all from enjoying it for so long. It's time to enjoy it and be excited. You are soooo close.
Nat xoxo

Tammy said...

Thanks ladies!
Laura- your referral was like I was getting my own referral, that's how excited I was about it. So awesome!
Natalie, you are so right that the fear of being hurt again has prevented us from enjoying this process.
Sigh. After almost 3 years into this process I just wish I could see his/her face. Soon...soon. :0)

I wouldn't want to go through this with anyone else. Thanks for being there!

darci said...

oh I know what you mean..I have started actually hoping again, and that is a scary thing! I'm with you on this one..wanting to dream, loving to dream, but scared to! We are so close though! ahhhhh!!! :)

Melissa said...

Yeah, Laura and Chad's was monomental, because they'd been on the edge for so long! You should be excited. Yours is coming down the pipes. Be cautious about putting a timeline in your mind, but still be excited. Dream!

Ashleigh, Ben, Noah and Tait said...

(do we dare dream together!?)

Tammy said...

Ashleigh...I always wonder who we will be travelling with to Ethiopia and I am so hopeful that we will travel together b/c our numbers are very close. Fingers crossed things pick up again. Hope you are holding up ok. :)

Historica said...

I feel the same way of you. Even if I know our referral may still take longer.... I dream.

Jenny said...

DREAM, visualize, nest, make a vision board...whatever you need to do girl! Thinking of you often and I can't wait to hear your news!!!