To the core.

When my daughter was born just over 2 years ago and it was almost time to bring her home from the hospital we had an entrustment ceremony with her birth family and our social worker, Alison.  Before entering the hospital room where her birth family, hospital nurse, social worker and Josina were waiting for us I prayed that I was able to feel everything - to the core of my soul.  I didn't want to hold any emotions back in order to survive this experience.  I was being given the greatest gift, the gift of my daughter and it was important to me that I felt not just the joy of becoming a parent but the pain, the deep, paralyzing pain of watching a loving, wonderful family say 'goodbye' to their beautiful daughter, granddaughter and niece.  I felt it was my responsibility to do so.  And boy, did I feel it!

As we prepare for Sid's trip to Ethiopia for our court date I have been finding myself praying for God to help me experience all the emotions that go with this part of our journey, to not hold anything back. The excitement, the anxiety, the nervousness, the debilitating sense of utter sadness knowing a family has again said goodbye to their daughter, granddaughter, niece.  Again, I feel it is my responsibility to feel all of it.  I am being given another beautiful gift, the gift of another daughter and I am not holding anything back.