Wordless Saturday

Nairobi bound!

Just got official confirmation from our caseworker that Sophie's immigration documents are on their way to Nairobi.  One more phone call.  One more plane ride.  And she'll be in our arms forever. 

Pictures!

After not being in touch with Sid for more than 24 hours (I was going absolutely crazy and on the verge of a meltdown) he phoned this morning.  He had been unable to get an internet connection but finally was able to send me some photos.  I've emailed, posted on facebook,  posted on Sid's blog, posted on both yahoo groups and now here, ha ha.  I love her!  These photos melt my heart.  I can't wait to hold her!  Hopefully the visa trend stays and we can travel this summer.

Sophia (Sophie) Selam Dianne Vlieg

She's ours!  Introducing our daughter Sophie!  It is the middle of the night and I just heard from Sid that court was successful.  Just wanted to post our news and some photos.  Thank you for your support, positive thoughts and prayers!  We're just thrilled!

Hubby's Blog

If you haven't been there yet, Sid has started a blog for his journey to meet baby sister and our court date (in 3 days!). The link is at the top of the page on the right hand side.  He is going to meet our daughter TOMORROW! 

Canvas Heart Giveaway

This is a website that I've just recently learned of and I absolutely LOVE this artwork!  After we pass court (hopefully next week - ack!) I would LOVE to order something!   Can't wait!  She is having a giveaway.  Check it out!
http://www.thecanvasheart.com/

I wouldn't change a thing.

I love this experience.  There are so many emotions that go with this step of our journey.  I am excited, exhausted and anxious, just to name a few.  Sid and I are seperately working on checking things off his travel list. For example, get U.S. money, buy cell phone to use in Africa, make sure we have our notarized document for court, the paperwork and money order for baby's sister's visa, phone number for our agency's driver in Addis, etc., etc.   Our list is 2 pages long.  I am taking it all in.  Preparing for his trip, collecting donations and the like all the while trying to live life and keep up on the daily tasks, including laundry (could do without that!), being a mom to a 2 year-old and gardening.  Periodically I calculate what Sid will be doing a week from now (for example in one week he have already held our daughter in his arms!) and I smile. At the same time I get nauseous with anxiety about court.  But I wouldn't change a thing.  This is all about becoming a family.  Our daughter will soon join our family and I wouldn't change a thing.  The nerves, exhaustion and anxiety are all a part of it and I'm taking it all in.

To the core.

When my daughter was born just over 2 years ago and it was almost time to bring her home from the hospital we had an entrustment ceremony with her birth family and our social worker, Alison.  Before entering the hospital room where her birth family, hospital nurse, social worker and Josina were waiting for us I prayed that I was able to feel everything - to the core of my soul.  I didn't want to hold any emotions back in order to survive this experience.  I was being given the greatest gift, the gift of my daughter and it was important to me that I felt not just the joy of becoming a parent but the pain, the deep, paralyzing pain of watching a loving, wonderful family say 'goodbye' to their beautiful daughter, granddaughter and niece.  I felt it was my responsibility to do so.  And boy, did I feel it!

As we prepare for Sid's trip to Ethiopia for our court date I have been finding myself praying for God to help me experience all the emotions that go with this part of our journey, to not hold anything back. The excitement, the anxiety, the nervousness, the debilitating sense of utter sadness knowing a family has again said goodbye to their daughter, granddaughter, niece.  Again, I feel it is my responsibility to feel all of it.  I am being given another beautiful gift, the gift of another daughter and I am not holding anything back.

Baby Stella!

No that's not what baby sister's name will be, lol. But it is the first present I've purchased for her! Can you believe I've held off on buying anything for her (except bedroom furniture, that doesn't count, ha ha). Court is less than 3 weeks away and I am a nervous and excited wreck. I don't think I will send baby Stella with my husband for the court trip in case we do not get it back. But baby Stella will be waiting for baby sister's arrival to Canada.

By the way, we will share photos and baby sister's name when court passes successfully. The day we received our referral my husband and I drove home separately from the agency and when we got home he asked me if I had thought of a name. Now remember we always thought it would be a boy so we NEVER considered or discussed ANY girl names. I asked him what he had thought of and he told me. Amazingly the name I thought of on the way home was the shortened/nickname version of the name he had thought of on his drive home. Hmmm...meant to be? At the time we thought it was a very original name but we've come to learn it is one of the most popular names right now. Hint, hint.

Confession Friday

I confess:

*that lately I'm becoming an overly emotional eater, eating terrible, terrible food. Cookies, Timbits, burgers, the list goes on. This week I polished off an entire bag of Chips Ahoy cookies and I bought a new bag of Oreos yesterday. The waistline is expanding and the double chins are forming. Ugh. Although it doesn't feel like it right now but spring/summer are on the way which means wearing lighter and form fitting clothes and showing more skin. Nobody wants to see my bulge. I need to do something about this.

*I say "I need to do something about this" in reference to my unhealthy eating habits and growing waistline every single day and yet never actually do anything about it.

*I love the stage my daughter is at right now. Don't get me wrong, I love every stage. But the fact that she is talking and can communicate her needs is such a relief. I really hated hearing her cry, scream or grunt in frustration. It felt like she was crying ALL. THE. TIME. But now she has words and she uses them.

*I am on pins and needles waiting for the phone to ring. I need to know when our court date is.

*I feel guilty that I have my referral and others close to me on 'the list' do not have theirs yet.

*I just confessed some feelings that I have about a couple of things that are bothering me and then erased them because I do not want to upset my adoption friends.

*I am scared. I am terrified. I have fallen in love with a beautiful baby girl in a photo and I have no control over when I will hold her in my arms. What if things fall through? What if the program closes? I am terrified. I am scared of what this will do to me.

*I am scared for Selam. Will she ever be with her forever family? When? What effects will being in institutionalized have on her?

*I am hopeful I will hold my daughter in my arms.

*I am blessed to have a group of adoption friends who received referrals around the same time as we did and their children are in the same room at the same orphanage. It is nice to have that support and strong connection.

*When we received our referral I was scared for our daughter in Africa. Was she being fed? Loved? Cuddled? Comforted? I was driving to a women's retreat to meet up with the girls from church and decided to give it all to God. I let him have it all. All my worries. I knew he would take care of her and it really made a difference in my attitude and emotional health. I slept every night without worry. But this week with the new developments in Ethiopia I have reverted back to my old ways of worrying and not sleeping.

*I bought an ikea dresser on kijiji last summer and repainted it and put new crystal/glass style knobs on it to dress it up. Because I painted it brown/espresso I realized recently that Josina's white crib was just so not going to match. I didn't think this was going to be a big deal when I painted the dresser last summer but when I moved the crib into baby sister's room a few weeks ago it actually bugged me so I bought a new espresso crib to match. It is a 4 in 1, sleigh style crib and it. is. beautiful! I'm much happier now.

*While eating our breakfast this morning Josina spilled her water all over the table and floor. I said 'oh shoot!' out loud and she copied me. Thankfully it wasn't 'oh sh*t'. I REALLY need to be careful with my words.

*In order to feel right I need things to be in their place. The labelmaker gets a workout in this household. This is the project I've been working on this week. Ikea trofast storage & bins to organize Josina's playroom. Each bin is organized, labeled and has a picture attached of the items that belong in the bin. This makes me happy.



*After posting this I went upstairs to have a shower. I got my towel & housecoat ready and started the shower then realized I didn't have the phone with me and ran downstairs to get it. I need a court date. My nerves are fried. (I have actually been shaking this week)
*After my shower I came downstairs to check email/boards for the millionth time this morning and my daughter brougt an empty box of kleenex to me saying 'aw done'. I walked over to the couch to see the entire box of tissues emptied onto the couch and as I said nothing while stuffing them back into the box she said 'da' as in 'ta da'...look at my masterpiece mom.

Survey Says...

it was going to be a boy. BUT it's a girl! Hee hee. Selam was born on September 24, 2010 in Ethiopia. We're just thrilled and can't wait to post pics after we pass court. She's so tiny but just beautiful.

I will post more next week. I have neglected my house, daughter, sick cat and myself in the crazyness of this experience. I am going on a very needed church retreat this weekend and will come back revived and refreshed. Ahhh.

See you next week. :)

Sarah's giveaway

Sarah is having a giveaway, check out her blog. Seeing how she has decorated her house makes me want to start all over again even though we've been here 10 years and the house is pretty much done, except one room (a room I hope to start decorating ANY TIME NOW... COME ON ALREADY!).

Sarah's giveaway

I want to win the butterfly punch so I can make the awesome framed butterfly craft she made and put it in Josina's room. It is so awesome! See it here posted in her top 10 projects of 2010:

Top 10